Sometimes being a parent sucks. Really, really sucks. And it is usually when your kids get to that age when you have to rely on them to do what is right. To be safe. And for you to understand that they are going to do what they want to do, and you can’t put them in time out, or punish them when what they do goes horribly, horribly wrong.
It sucks that at those times all you can do is be there. Be a shoulder to cry on, someone to help them pick up the pieces. Or, even worse, not help them at all. Because sometimes your kids have to pick up their own pieces. And those are the times when as a parent you feel absolutely useless.
I have a child who is struggling with substance abuse. This isn’t my fight, but it IS my fight. I would move mountains to help her with this fight. But I can’t follow her throughout her day. I can’t be there when she feels that she wants to….HAS to have a drink. All I can do is be there when she calls. If she calls. Or texts me. If she texts. I can only answer the questions from the hospital staff, or the police if she is picked up again and taken to the hospital. And only if I get the call.
My kid is sick and I can do nothing. When she was younger she was severely asthmatic. When she had an attack, I could give her a treatment. As she got older the attacks came more infrequently, but if I heard that she was short of breath I could remind her to hit her inhaler. I can’t read her mind. How can I tell her not to drink, if I don’t know when she is thinking that she wants to…NEEDS to take a drink. I have to depend on her to make the right decision. And all I can do is be here when she needs me to talk to. Or to pick her up when she falls.
Parenting sucks.
4 comments
Comment by Anonymous on January 17, 2014 at 1:13 pm
Yes it does Phil, and as a parent one of the hardest things I have had to learn is to let them fall, that I can’t always be there to make it better when they make the wrong choices, and to realize that I haven’t been doing them any favors by making it all better when something doesn’t go the way they thought it would. I still struggle with wanting to kiss their boo, boo’s and make all the hurt go away.
In some ways I feel by always coming to their rescue I have caused them to make wrong choices and not think things through regarding what the consequences will be if they decide to do what they know in their heart is wrong.
I feel your pain.
Comment by wormdude@gmail.com on January 17, 2014 at 1:25 pm
And still we have that desire, that need of our own to do just that…to make it all better. Regardless of the outcome, there is that ache in the heart to make their pain go away and never come back. Thank you for sharing.
Comment by Penny on January 17, 2014 at 2:33 pm
Yes, parenting can suck sometimes, and also….grand parenting if you are close to your grandchildren. It is quite amazing how strong you can feel towards your grandchildren. As a matter of fact, I feel like they are my children. When they hurt…I hurt. No difference at all. They are a part of me, and I always want the best for them and for them not to suffer in any way. The teenaged years are undoubtedly the toughest years for parents and grandparents. Those years will test a human being like no other! You just need to take it a day at a time, Phil….sometimes, an hour at a time. And…pray ALOT! Some things are just out of your hands. As difficult as it can be, sometimes you have to just step back and allow life experience’s to happen for any ground to be gained. From what I’ve read from your daughter’s own words – she stated herself that she knows she is responsible and has to make the changes. Those are the words that are valuable and the ones you want to hear from her. That is a huge first step. Huge. All you can do is support her and be there for her, and I know you are. Hugs and prayers are sent to you and her…
Comment by wormdude@gmail.com on January 17, 2014 at 2:55 pm
She is a amazing young woman. Thank you, Penny. Your thoughtful words are appreciated and treasured.