My eldest made a comment the other day that I found to be very interesting. I quote it here:
“For some strange reason I have been wondering what a letter to my younger self would look like. I oscillate between “stop being such a terrified baby waiting for someone to show/help you figure out what to do with your life” and “while the journey has been rough, winding, convoluted, and overwhelming… It’s all worth it for the lessons you will learn about yourself and the world around you. You will discover that you have an unfathomable amounts of strength, perseverance, loyalty and hope within you… And that isn’t to be traded for anything.”
It is very interesting how I read that, as opposed to how she intends it to be read. I read it as a commentary on regret. That if she had the chance to talk to her younger self, she would want to steer her from paths were her present self did things, or experienced things that she now regrets.
Now, that is just the way that I read what Jess wrote. I am sure that she meant it to mean that it would have been nice to have someone be able to help out during those times when the younger her had doubts and fears about what she should do with her life.
Which always brings me back to that age old question of knowing what you know now, what would you change if you could.
And even though I look at my current situation and can’t help but wish that things were better than they are, I wouldn’t change a damn thing. Everything that has happened, every decision that was made was the best one that I could make at the time. I tell my kids this all the time. If you actively look at all possible outcomes to a problem, and you choose what you think is the best course of action … you are making the very best decision that you can make at that time given the information that you have. Don’t doubt yourself.
That isn’t to say that things aren’t going to blow up in your face. They will. And you will have to choose a new course. This is life. And life can be pretty sucky, or it can be as fun as hell. It is all a matter of what you choose, now isn’t it?
Seems that we all are always on the verge of disaster, now doesn’t it?
2 comments
Comment by Anonymous on January 18, 2014 at 12:50 pm
Yes, there was commentary on regret in what I wrote, because I really thought that I would be closer to reaching lifelong goals I’ve had since I was young. However, I also have been realizing that progress isn’t always measured in tangible achievements marked by diplomas, rings, and real estate… Or other material objects. Sometimes progress is made in the reflection of choices made, people loved, and quiet conversations in the pre-dawn hours. The ability to learn from experiences is sometimes more valuable than that in classrooms. I’ll reach my goals someday, and even if I’m 90 before I do, it will mean more than had it happened at 20 because I will know that I have worked hard and earned it rather than having been given something that I couldn’t fully appreciate in my younger years. Because of the brain damage that comes along with the lack of a fully developed frontal lobe.
Comment by wormdude@gmail.com on January 18, 2014 at 12:52 pm
Hi Jessica. Thank you for your commentary. I appreciate what you wrote, and I hope that I did it justice with my musings.