The things in my head go 'round and 'round

Since his introduction in 1986 there has been a subtle, but orchestrated change in Chester Cheetah. I first talked about this way back in March of 2008, where I mentioned that Chester had taken a dark turn.

You see, when Chester first appeared he was hanging with our kids. Chester was initially always in a situation where he was trying to grab someones cheeto’s and would end up the victim of cartoon violence.

But then in the 2000′s he took a turn towards the dark side. First Chester started showing up in odd places, at odd times convincing people to act out revenge on others with the help of cheeto snacks. Putting cheeto’s in a clothes dryer that had a load of whites in it, while Chester was playing chess with some man. Convincing a woman to stick cheeto’s in a snoring mans nostrils. Messing up a neat freaks cubicle, and when the cubicla resident returned he was talking on the phone and stated that “there has been an incident.”

Conspiracy. It is all a conspiracy, you know. We have heard of the Orange Underground. And who was that man he was playing chess with? And even further, who was the cubicle dweller reporting “an incident” to? It is all leading up to something. Chester started out hanging around our kids, ingratiating himself to them as some bumbling character who wanted cheeto’s but could never get them. And now that our kids have grown up, so has Chester. And not in a good way.

Chester started the 2000′s experimenting in mind control. Convincing, manipulating people to do things that they might otherwise do. And he was very good at it.

And now it has gotten even worse. Chester Cheetah has moved from simple manipulation to experimentation on humans. And Chester Cheetah must be stopped. I am surprised that PETA hasn’t gotten involved with this. In one commercial, as Chester stays safely ensconced behind a glass shield, peoples mouths are fitted for different sizes of cheeto’s. The first is a woman with a HUGE mouth that is deemed not right. The next is a man who has some sort of appliance forcing his mouth open wider than any normal humans should, and he too is deemed lacking. The last one is just right, as the size of the cheeto has been minimized appropriately, and Chester asks “Mr. Lee” to pop open the bubbly so that they can celebrate.

Who is this “Mr. Lee”? Is he the one that chester has played chess with? Is he the one seen sunning himself at the soccer match? Just what is his interest in all of this?

In another commercial, a man in an orange jumpsuit is seen riding a centrifuge as cheeto’s are fired at him. Again, a clear case of human torture to further Chester’s strange, mysterious agenda. Further proof that Chester Cheetah must be stopped. Who knows how much further he will go before the wicked end to his experiments? And just what is he trying to do? Where is the Orange Underground in all of this? Are they freedom fighters, or are they pawns for his wicked game?

Keep tuned for the answers to this and so many other questions.