The things in my head go 'round and 'round

I sat on the deck this afternoon with a good cigar, and a good brew and just listened. 

We have a school that is about 50 yards from our yard.  When we bought this house back in 1996 it was one of the selling points.  That along with the fact that we were buying it from family and getting a great deal.  Back then the school house k-5, and that is were The Princess went to 1-4.  When she got into 5th grade the school was closed and she went to another one that is a couple of blocks in the opposite direction. 

Sitting here listening to the leaves, I can also hear the kids coming in from last recess.  I can hear the buzzer, and the buses pulling up getting ready to take them home.  The parents are queing up in the same place that I used to when I picked The Princess up.  The sound of little peoples voices is like a balm.  I love listening to them as they are chattering to one another.  When this was our school, it had a huge family feel to it.  We all knew one another, saw one another at all the functions, and watched out for one anothers kids.  If someone was late, the parents would hang around and let our kids play on the playground until the late parent arrived.  Now that we are years beyond that, I find how much I miss those days. 

I missed those days with my eldest daughter, and even though I had some of that time with my boys, I basically missed those days with my own kids.  I lived them vicariously through The Princess.  I am a flawed Father. 

Anyway.  Live life now.  Don’t look back on it and regret.  Life is to be lived now.

Namaste.

So, Halloween has come and gone.  Most of the candy is out of the house.  The decorations have been taken down, and put away.  Now we get ready for the end of year holiday onslaught. 

More decorations to dig out and put up.  The time changed back an hour.  Which really messes me up this time of year.  I don’t have much trouble in the springing forward part, but this falling back really takes its toll.  I think because of all the darkness.  You get up in the dark, go to work in the dark, and then come home in the dark.  Dark, dark, dark.

Growing up, holidays took on a different feel.  I grew up in a good sized family.  2 Aunts, and 2 Uncles.  A smattering of cousins tossed in for good measure.  And that was just on my Dad’s side.  My Mom had 10 Brothers and Sisters, but we didn’t see them as much as they lived on the Detroit side of Michigan.  And we can’t remember my Grandparents.  Earl and Vida lived on a farm outside of the small town I grew up in.  Not a huge farm, but to me it was the greatest place there was.  And holiday dinners with my Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, and cousins were wonderful.  Great food, people who loved you, and a warm house.  Gathered around the TV, or playing games in the dining room.  Taking naps on the floor listening to the adults talk.  Voices of people who loved one another. 

Those were good times.

Yeah you read it right.  There is a myth that has been perpetuated by The Princess that you can douse a laptop and it will still operate as it is supposed to.

Don’t believe it.  It doesn’t.

L8R

There is no doubt about it, kids will change your life. And from the moment they enter this world until the day they move out on their own, you and your kids are engaged in a dance of hold them close, and let them go. It is maddening.

All of us parents know the drill. A child is born and needs. Everything. They need to be fed, cleaned up, kept comfortable. They can’t tell us when they are hungry, tired, hurt, happy, nothing. All they can do is coo, and cry. More of the latter than the former. They have to be carried for the first up to 18 months of their lives. And then they hit the ground running.

Talking and walking/running seems to come hand in hand with kids. And this is when things really start to get weird. Once our kids are ambulatory, they are pulling away from us. Testing their boundaries. And we, as the dutiful parents, let them have their freedom. Up to a point. We allow them to get a few bumps and bruises, and try to keep them safe from the rest. I said try, because our kids are still pulling away as we are trying to keep them close.

That is the weird dance I have been talking about. Pulling away, and pulling back. Running as fast as they can, falling, and wanting us to comfort them, then off they go once again. Until they fall, or get scraped, or some such and need us again. Throwing themselves into our arms, and then wriggling free. But admit it, don’t you just love it when they are wanting to get hugged? The smell of your childs hair is intoxicating.

Kids don’t stay kids forever. They have this nasty tendency to grow up. And growing up means that the boundaries are being re-established almost daily. At least that is the way it is for our last child. The Princess is 14 going on 25. Wanting to be involved with everything and anything that doesn’t involve sitting at home with Mom, and Dad. I am her mobile ATM. We are a blended family. I have 3 children that I brought with me into my marriage, and MLW had just had The Princess the year prior to us meeting. My kids are much older than The Princess. I have gone through the teenage pulling away process with all of them. I am not looking forward to it from the last one. Because as our kids hit their mid-teenage years they pull away sharply. They no longer need us to traipse them around. They can drive themselves. They have friends who can drive them around. Parents are in the way. Only needed when the funds are running low. The house is a lot quieter now.

But this article is about letting go of your kids. If we did our job as Parents correctly, we know that at some point we have to let go. They should be confident enough to go out into the word and make their mark upon it. Because that is what we were supposed to do. We were supposed to raise our kids to be confident in their abilities, and to always know that we will always be there for them. That doesn’t make it any easier. A quick hug, and a kiss will never replace the times when they would burrow into your chest. The times when crawling up on your lap would make everything better. I miss those times with my kids, though with the size of a couple of them it would be very uncomfortable for them to try to do it now.

So. Hug them hard every chance you get. When they are young help them up everytime they fall, but don’t ever let them quit trying. And when the time comes, let them go. Because that is what we are supposed to do. 

And that part sucks.

I have been researching my family, on my Fathers side, for a number of years. And I have to admit, that most of what I have learned I learned came from two books written on our family.

Yeah, I didn’t get too far on my own. That being said, I am very interested in finding out more about my ancestors who came from England. Essex, England to be exact. And if you want to get even more specific Birdbrook Parrish, Essex, England.

Thank you very much. 1589. That was the year that my ancestor was born. I reached out to the Parrish th other day, and was informed that unfortunately the records only went back to 1633.

Unfortunately. 1633. Wrap your head around that number. Wrap your head around knowing that one of your ancestors, that you actually know about, was born in 1589.

I am completely amazed by those numbers.

Just though that you would like to know all of this.