The things in my head go 'round and 'round

The eldest son has a girlfriend. That is a good thing. We are happy for him. We sometimes feel sorry for her, as he has managed to inheirit my passive aggressive tendencies.

What ev’s.

Yelley is writing a blog about yarn and knitting called It’s peanut butter yelley time.

Yelley also talks about the things that are going on in their life at this time. Included in this is a really funny account of their house hunting. At least I found it funny, though I am sure that the kids didn’t, and don’t. But that is the breaks of looking for a house in an economic downturn. There are tons of property out there to sell, but no one wants to really sell it because they won’t be making a killing from it.

Go figure.

I knew as I hit the “publish” button on my previous blog entry that I would have to answer for what I had written. To someone. Most likely family.

When I write about my childhood, or my family there is always so much back story that should be written and I don’t, that some of it is left out.

I grew up in Michigan, in a rural community. I had a pretty charmed childhood. Both of my parents worked hard. Mom worked in a grocery store, and Dad installed flooring, carpets and tile. You name it, my Dad could do it, and do it well. They both worked long hours to sustain the family. We didn’t have a lot of things, but where we lived, we had more than what we needed. No one went to bed hungry, no one went to bed worrying about where they were going to be the next day. I love my parents, and my brothers. Even though my brothers have no taste in college football teams.

I had the run of the surrounding area. I regularly rode my bike for miles out of town without telling anyone. I regularly hitch-hiked without telling anyone. I was able to do this because of the time we lived in, and because of the area we lived in. Yeah, bad things happened to people, but not to people we knew. We swam in nearby lakes, we ate fruit out of the nearby orchards, we ate grapes from the nearby vineyards. My parents had really great friends that they played cards with. I have, or had now that some of them have passed, 2 great Aunts, my Fathers sisters, with their husbands and kids. One of them had a lake cottage that we would go to on a regular basis. Life was good. And I got to do what I wanted pretty much all of the time. And that has come across as my being spoiled.

I have never looked at myself as that. Growing up I just never had to report to anyone what I was doing, or what I was going to do. I just did it. I don’t know why that was. I never questioned it. But it is something that I don’t allow my kids to do. I try to weasel my way into my kids lives as much as I can. Because I know that even with all that I had growing up, all of the liberties I was given. I know that there should have been more structure.

There is a saying that has stuck with me over the years that goes “If you can’t be a shining example, then you have to be a horrible warning.”

My words to live by.

The day has arrived, the presents have been opened, everyone is happy.

I am perplexed by the reaction of The Princess to her gifts. I had thought that at 13 a girl was beyond toys. But it seems that I was wrong. The biggest exclamations came from something called “moon sand”, and a “meeba”. I have to say that I have no clue what this items are, but as I am typing this The Princess is playing with her “meeba”. With a bow pasted to her head.

I love my girls.

Merry Christmas, have a safe and sane holiday.

Namaste.

There you have it.  My Christmas gift to you.  The only one that will never wear out, or go out of style.

Whatever you do, don’t give up.

As my family well knows, I have my highs, and my lows.  And that is putting it mildly.  The highs are full of activity and grand ideas.  The lows are full of sulking, and silence.  I am either the life of the party, or the one in the corner dressed in black not talking to anyone.

Sorry people I love.  Just haven’t gotten the brain chemistry right as of yet.

Right now, being in a middle period, I am doing a lot of thinking of success.  What it means to me.  What I have, and what I don’t.  And whether or not all of that makes a difference.

And I keep coming back to the title of this little bit of rambling.

Don’t ever give up.  No matter what, because there is no real success or failure.  Everything happens the way that it is supposed to.

Say what?  Am I being real here?

You have better damned well believe it.  Here is an example.  I am making banana bread.  If I don’t add a particular ingredient, will it be ruined?  Or as they say here in Pennsylvania, ruin’t?  The answer depends on your perception.  If you look at the situation without emotion, the end product is a result of the process used to produce it.  The bread turns out the way it is supposed to because of what I put into it.

Wrap your head around that one for a minute.

I am also bottling beer today.  If I don’t put priming sugar in the wort before I bottle it, there will be no carbonation.  It will be flat.  And exactly the way it is supposed to be since I didn’t put priming sugar into it.  Process.  It is all about process.  What you put in to something is what you get out of it.  So there really is not success or failure, there is only your interpretation of the results.

Wow.  That makes my head hurt.

Remember that all through this part of the year when we are rushing around, and not really paying attention to what is going on around us.  You can spend all of your time not paying attention to anything, or you can be in the now.

So what does this have to do with succcess or failure?  I have my ideas, but let’s hear some of yours.

My family and I wish you and yours a safe, and sane holiday season.  And beyond that, we wish you and yours peace, prosperity, health, and love.

Namaste.

At some point the question always comes up.

Why do you blog? Why do you put yourself out there for everyone to see and to comment on?

First off, not everyone sees it. Usually when you start writing the crap that goes on in your head, only the people you tell about it actually read it. Unless you are incredibly lucky to have stumbled on a SEO keyword that brings folks in. But that isn’t the usual.

Secondly, it is fun. It is interesting, and can be cathartic. As long as you obey the first rule of blogging.

Rule #1. Don’t blog about work. Period. Don’t allude to it, don’t try to change the name of your company, or your co-workers, just don’t do it. Someone will find it out and you will have to face the music. And it can cost you your job. Yes, it can.

So, again, why? MLW asked this question on her Facebook page, and I answered it as succinctly as I could. MLW is a very private person, with a great amount of class. I am not. I am an attention whore. Have been from the get go, and don’t see it changing much in the near future.

This has caused MLW to shake her head in amazement in the past. Hopefully it hasn’t caused her too much embarrassment. I am the one who walked on stage at a jazz band concert, without prior permission or approval and started playing songs that I had written on guitar. Just did it. Freaked my parents out. Made my middle brother laugh. He didn’t think that I had it in me.

Surprise.

I am the one, at the tender age of 16 while at band camp, took some liberties with some music, added some lyrics that talked about the camp and the totalitarian policies there (remember I was 16), and played the finished song at the camps talent show. Again without approval. I had gotten approval to play another song, but pulled the first one out of my back pocket when I was on stage. To a standing ovation, mind you.

So, I write here because I do like writing. I like crafting stories, and getting feed back from them. But I also do it to show who I am to everyone who will read this. I am the third son of three sons. A Gemini. I have this need to talk about myself, and about the thoughts in my head. And it can be irritating.

I am ok with that.

And I write to help me understand me. I would hate to make some broad generalization here about people and their personal quests for understanding, but I do believe that we all are looking for who we really are. Are we the sum total of who we married, where we live, where we work, where we spend our time? Or are we something more? I am a believer in the something more part. I am a Father, but I am more than that, I am also a Husband, but there is more to me than just that. I am a mid-level executive, hell a can jockey, but I am a whole lot more than that. I am a son, and a brother and more than that. I am something that I haven’t put my finger on yet. And I keep learning more each and every day. Putting those thoughts down on this electronic piece of paper helps me sort it out. Mostly by helping me see that there is always something more to me than just what is going on right now. Because with the typing of those words, “right now” is gone.

See how I am going all esoteric on you now?

I find it amusing that of my 4 kids, the youngest doesn’t read this any longer. It is of no more interest to her. The youngest son reads it occasionally, though his ex-girlfriend checks in pretty much every week. Hi Dani. The eldest son, I don’t think that he even reads this, but in talking to him on the phone the other night, he gets it. And that made my night. He gets blogging, understands the mechanics of it, and was encouraging me to continue. I was floored, and elated all at the same time. That eldest daughter is so busy between work and college that I am surprised that she can even breathe. But she reads every now and then.

So that, in a nutshell is why we blog. And specifically, why I blog.

Any questions? Please leave any comments below.

Namaste.