The things in my head go 'round and 'round

The lattter part of last year was all wahhhhh my shoulder hurts.  Waaaahhhhh I might need surgery.  Waaaahhhh it is going to hurt.  Lets try physical therapy.  Waaahhhh physical therapy hurts.  Waaaahhhh it makes me tired, and takes up too much of my time.  Waaaahhhh I don’t want surgery.  Lets try a cortisone shot.  Waaaahhhh it is going to hurt.   Waaaaahhhh I know that it is going to hurt and I am still going to have to have surgery and that is going to hurt.  Waaaa…….hey.  It didn’t hurt.  It feels good.  Almost like new.  Cool.

Then….Waaaahhhh my foot hurts.  Waaaahhh I can’t walk on it.  Waaaahhhh I don’t know what is going on.  Waaaahhh the pain has moved to the bottom of my foot.  Waaahhh I still can’t walk.  Waaahhh when is this going to end?  Waaahhhh now my leg hurts.  Waaaahhhh no one is taking my pain seriously other than me.   Wahh…….I would cry but I can’t breathe. 

Hello Dr?  I can’t walk from the parking lot to my store without sitting down for 10 minutes.  Yes I know that I am overweight, but I have never had this happen before.  And then there is this pain that I have been having since this morning in the upper lobe of my right lung.  Do you think that I could be seen today?  Immediately?  Ok.  See you as soon as I can.

What do you mean I am going to the hospital?  Just what does “Extensive Pulmonary Embulisms” mean?  Two?  More than two?  Just walk in?  i don’t have to wait?  Cool.

I spent the next 2 and 1/2 days in Harrisburg Hospital being taken care of by the nicest, most professional staff that I could have hoped for.  Even when I got up in the middle of the first night and decided that I wanted to brush my teeth and freaked my nurse out because that caused my heart monitor to go ballistic.  Sheila was very nice about me scaring the bejeesus out of her. 

Now I am home, injecting myself with an anticoagulant twice a day.  Rather, MLW is injecting me.  She is being a trouper in that aspect.  Hopefully we won’t have to do that anymore after this coming Monday when I find out what my coumadin levels are. 

I did learn a couple of important things in the hospital.  Your blood pressure can get above 200 without your head popping off.  Mine got up to 210 over 102 one night.  That got a few folks excited.  And I also learned that you can find “Lost” fans everywhere.  One of my PA’s and I talked about the upcoming season the first night I was there and couldn’t sleep.  I have nothing but good things to say about Harrisburg Hospital and their staff.  I certainly hope that I don’t have to go back, but if I do I know that I will be in very capable hands.

L8R.

I have been whining for the past couple of months about my health.  My shoulder had been hurting me since before the summer, and I was doing physical therapy for it.  That ended when I got a cortisone shot in it just before Christmas.  Then the week after Christmas I got this weird on the top of my left foot that turned into cellulitis.

That turned into a whining session on my part of the highest order.  Partly because it really hurt, and partly because….well…I can be a whiner when I am in pain.  Went to the Dr. about that one, thinking that I had been to the Dr. in the past couple of months more that I had been in the last freaking year.  The pain with the foot traveled from the top to the bottom and kept me out of work for the week between Christmas and New Years.  Looking back on this, I think that this is where I started with the blood clots.

Yes, blood clots.  I was at a friends house helping him brew his first couple of batches of beer when I noticed I was really out of breath.  Just talking was making me gasp, and I was sitting down more than I usually do.  Went to work the next day and just walking from the parking lot into the store I had to sit down and catch my breath before putting my coat away.  That wasn’t a good thing.

I called my Dr., and after listening to my whining again I was sent for a Cat Scan.  Imagine my embarrassment when I found out that they really didn’t want to scan my cats, that it was the name of a procedure.  Hopefully the cats will forgive me at some time.

Anyway, after the scan I talked to my Dr. who told me to go home and pack a bag because I was going to the hospital.  So that is what I did, and that is also where it gets weird.  Because I went home, tossed some clothes in the washer, made a sandwich, grabbed a bottle of water and relaxed.  After transferring my clothes from the washer to the dryer I was walking by my cell phone and saw that I had a couple of calls on it.  Picked the phone up, and it rang.  It was my Dr. wanting to know where I was.  And not in a friendly voice.  She yelled at me.  Asked me what I was doing.  Told her I was doing what she told me, I was getting some things together for the hospital.  She didn’t think that that was funny.  So I went to the hospital.

It seems that both of my lungs had “extensive pulmonary embollisms”.  Basically, a whole bunch of blood clots.  If she hadn’t have told me to go home and pack a bag, I would have been at the hospital a lot earlier.  It really wasn’t my fault.  Just a small mis-understanding.    And that is my story.

I will talk about the hospital stay tomorrow. Right now, I am bushed.

Thank you guys very much for being so concerned.  It touches my cold, black heart to know that there are so many folks out there who care.  MLW is also very appreciative of the words of support.  You guys certainly do rock.

So I went to the Dr. yesterday for my now regularly scheduled 4-6 week visits to certify that I am still bat-shit crazy.

He asks how Iam doing, I say fine.  I am still having the vivid dreams, but they are still on the pretty cool side of crazy, so I am not that concerned about them.  They bad ones haven’t happened yet, but I know that they are out there and still coming.  You know the ones I am talking about, the dreams where you wake up screaming, with your heart pounding out of your chest, and you being absolutely certain that the world is ending.

But so far, so good with not having any of those dreams.

We got around to talking about my shoulder that has been bothering me since this summer.  I can lift laterally to the front, but not to the back, or to the side without pain.  A lot of pain.  So the Dr. takes hold of my arm and does the classic “does this hurt” stuff, and of course it does.  A LOT!!!!  He asks if I have ever had a cortisone shot, to which I answer not now, and not ever.  He laughs and says, “Yeah they hurt like hell.”

I like a Dr. who isn’t going to tell you bullshit.

Anyhoooooooo.  I am going for physical therapy on my arm now.  All of those words above to tell you that.  And The Princess tells me that she can do my PT for me as she had to do similar exercises for a waterpolo injury.

Helpful people abound.

L8R

Since becoming a medicated American I have been the receipient of some really weird, and vivid dreams.  Take for example the one I had last night:

I was taking part in a meeting of my management staff at a restaurant/giftshop/bakery/tourist trap.  The building was a converted house and as it turned out it had more than a few surprises and many levels.

The meeting was being chaired by an executive in my company.  I can’t remember what it was we were there for, though I do know that at some point we were going to be breaking out and touring the building for some reason.  There was another group of people who were sitting next to our group who got into a verbal conflict with our meeting chair.  I got up and walked away, ending up in the Bakery area talking to an employee of the Bakery about how they made donuts.  She showed me that they used a power drill to mix their donut dough.  And then we ended up in the attic that was full of furniture.  Antique furniture along with a discussion of the economy of the area and how bad it was that people were trying to support themselves by selling their possessions.

From there I ended up in the basement, that wasn’t the bottom layer of this house either as I remember looking down a flight of stairs seeing yet a lower level to the basement that I was in.  Regardless, the area I was in at that time was the restaurant.  And there were dogs every where.  I mean every where.  I sat down in a recliner and a dog  jumped on to my lap and would not get off. 

And then I woke up. 

Tell me that that isn’t wacked out.

L8R.

Have the day off today.  And the weather is pretty beautiful right now.  Indian Summer hot, but dry so that I don’t wilt when I go out.  And I have only gone out a couple of times today, because I have the day off.  Didn’t I mention that?

Went and refilled my Sertralin this morning.  Amazing how taking your meds on a regular basis takes care of a large part of the angst in your life.  I am finding it harder to write now that I am taking it also.  Guess to be an artist you have to struggle with your demons just a bit more than what I am doing now.

Any hooo….  making leftovers for dinner, and a couple of beers afterwards.  Life is pretty good right now.

namaste.

Today I mowed the lawn. 

For some, that isn’t a big deal.  For me it has been because on my days off for the past 3 months I have not wanted to do anything but sit on the couch.  And today I mowed the lawn.

That is a huge step forward.  I met with my Doctor the other day and he prescribed a zoloft generic for me called Sertraline.  I have only been taking it for a few days but already I am feeling some of the side effects.  Sweating being the first one.  I am a big guy, and so I sweat all of the time, but not like this.  This sweating is copious.  Hopefully it will go away as the meds get through my system.  The second side effect that I am having is a nervousness.  Just a tinge of a wired up feeling shortly after taking my pill. 

Now I just have to walk the dog.