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The things in my head go ’round and ’round

This is my life. You can’t have it.

Archive for the ‘Retail’


Have a penny, leave a penny

Published August 27th, 2008 in Retail, work | No Comments »

Here in the eastern part of the United States we have coin counting machines in some of our business’. They are mostly placed by a company called CoinStar. Banks here in the eastern part of the US don’t like dealing with coins. So if you go into your local neighborhood banking establishment with a bag full of coins they most likely won’t take it.

Yeah. They won’t take money.

Of course, the supermarket chain I work for frowns on taking coin. If someone brings in coin all wrapped up in the nice, neat little coin wrappers we have to open the wrapper and count the coin to verify the amount. Makes for really good customer relations when the customer is someone of Grandparent age. Makes them feel embarrassed. And that usually isn’t a good thing.

So, after a circuitous route, we are back to the CoinStar machine. Which isn’t free. You are charged 9 cents on the dollar to have this machine count your coins and spit out a voucher that you can then use for your groceries, or simply cash.

Sounds easy enough, now doesn’t it?

That is the beauty of it all. Because the CoinStar machine has a monitor that tells you what to do, and tells you what IT is doing while it is counting your coins. And it even tells you when it can’t count you coins. With all of this information going on, you would think that I would never have to deal with customers at the CoinStar machine.

You would be wrong.

People put the darndest things in with their coins. Found a .22 shell in the machine just yesterday. Was really glad that it didn’t go off. We regularly find slugs, washers, jewelry, paper clips, lint, and the like jamming the machine. And of course the person who is standing there never has a clue as to how whatever foreign object got into the machine. Must have been the Other Guy. That mysterious “Other Guy” who screws up everything.

Wish I could find him and tell him to knock it off.

Moving on. Our CoinStar broke yesterday. A message came on the screen telling everyone, and anyone who WOULD PAY ATTENTION that it was out of service. I had to fish 3 different peoples change out of the machine because THEY DIDN’T PAY ATTENTION. Rather disconcerting. Today we got a new machine, but unfortunately because it was shipped by a company that employs gorillas it is not working. And it has a message on the screen saying that it is out of service. Just a few minutes ago I got a page to come to the Customer Service Desk to help a customer with the CoinStar. I walked up, the customer asked is the machine was out of order. I said yes. They shot me the hairy eyeball and stalked out.

Why don’t people pay attention?

The case can be made for the woman not knowing the machine was out of order. How could she know, unless she called in and asked? I can understand that. I do commiserate with her. But why call me up just to ask if the machine is out of order, when it is clear from the information the machine is giving her that it is indeed out of order. Or did she think that that was a ruse? A cruel trick to be played upon customer after customer as they came in to exchange their base coins for paper money. A cruel trick that we employees would chuckle and chortle about as they left the store in frustration.

Hardly.

She was just another pissed off person who wanted to share her pissed-off-edness with me. I get a lot of that. Everyone wants to share their unhappiness with me.

Thanks, but really. I am trying to cut down. I have enough of my own.

Just a thought.

Namaste.

The Things in My Mind - Thursday

Published June 5th, 2008 in Insanity, Retail, work | No Comments »

Let us talk retail.

Yeah. I think that it is time.

When you look at a grocery store what do you see? Four walls that hold all of the things you like to eat, or someplace where you can act like and idiot and get away with it?

Hmmm?

A grocery store is just a larger version of your refrigerator. Keep that in mind as we talk.

A grocery store is layed out so that the perimeter is where you are going to spend the most amount of money. Get used to that fact, it doesn’t change. I want you to make some forays into the center of the “box”, but I don’t want you to spend a lot of time there. I want you to spend about 55 -65% of your time there. I want the rest along the perimeter. Because that is where I make the most money.

The center of a store is cans, and boxes. They don’t need refrigeration. The perimeter is produce, meat, deli, seafood, and dairy. They need refrigeration. Hence the refrigerator analogy.

Yesterday my store had a power outage. No power. But we had lights, and we could run the cash registers. Why? How? Because we have a generator. And we need that generator to run the computers so that we don’t lose the information that they have in them. We do not, and most retailers do not, have a generator that will run the refrigeration. That generator would be too huge, and expensive. The one we have just for the lights, and computers is the size of a 400 cubic inch v-8 engine. Like from a cadillac. Go open the hood on your grandfathers car and you will get the idea.

So. Having lights tends to confuse people. They think that even though I am putting plastic over the meat, and the dairy, and every other refrigerated case, that they can push me out of the way to get what it is that they want.

Not so.

Everytime you open a door to a refrigerated case, and the power is not on, you are losing cold air. Cold air that won’t be replaced. BECAUSE THE POWER IS NOT ON YOU IDIOT!!!

Maybe the next time YOUR power goes out, I can come to your house and stand in front of your refrigerator with the door open. Think that you might like that?

And when I tell you that the power is out, don’t act like you haven’t been hearing the announcements that we have been making for THE PAST 30 MINUTES, YOU IDIOT!! It just makes you look silly. Especially when you ask what is going on, all I do is smile, and point to the ceiling where yet another annoucement is taking place telling you that we are sorry but due to losing power we ask that you not open the freezer doors.

Let’s recap. Power on…all of the lights on, and no plastic on the dairy, meat, seafood, and produce cases. Power off…not all of the lights are no, someone is making an announcement about the power being off, and keep your mitts off of my freezer doors.

Thanks. Glad we straightened that one out.

Namaste.

Musings on a seminar

Published May 14th, 2008 in Retail, my opinion, restaurants, work | No Comments »

* It is 7:30 in the morning. Who could you need to talk to on that damned phone.

* If you are never going to allow people to be on the balcony, why was one built on the corporate office? Or are you trying to keep people from jumping?

* If you had to sit all day in a food safety seminar you would never eat at another restaurant.

* Washing your hands IS the way to better health.

* My ass is numb.

* My brain left around lunch time.

Namaste.

Gillette vs Schick.. The Battle Royale

Published May 12th, 2008 in Blogging, Retail, promotion, work | 2 Comments »

Tyler over at Building Camelot has been doing a product testing on razors. He has been using the Gillette Fusion and the Schick Quattro. I told him that they both suck.

First off, you have razors with 4 blades. That is like pulling a lawn mower across your face. And for me, and my head? I have tried both of them long ago, and they both dug furrows in my scalp. I am talking trenches you could have planted corn in. Not good.

I use the Schick Xtreme disposable. Why disposable? Because they cost less than the replacement blades. Period.

That is all that needs to be said about that. Because when you shave your head and your face on a daily basis, you ARE the expert as to which blade to use.

Take note of that Schick Corporation. Unsolicited praise.

You are welcome.

Namaste.

It’s all about the he said, she said….

Published April 28th, 2008 in Retail, screwups, the truck | No Comments »

And here I go taking on the coporate giants once again. Though the first time I talked about a major corporation I was being very positive in my assessment of their product.

Of course, I happened to be going for the all important suck-up-send-me-some-free-stuff side of the issue.

It didn’t work.

Now, though. This time I am pissed off yet once again.

The story….

Here in the Great State of Pennsylvania we have this quaint law that states that every car on the road has to be annually inspected. Whether it needs it or not. This is to, ostensibly, guarantee the all of the cars on Pennsylvania roads are safe to operate. All of the lights work, the brakes work, and that they have adequate tread on their tires.

Yeah right. In reality it is to keep the shoddy garage mechanics in a job. Case in point.

My truck needed tires to pass inspection. I called Sears and ordered the tires I needed, and arranged for an appointment. I was told that no appointment was needed. Just show up at 7:30. I did, signed all of the paperwork needed, and went back to a waiting room with crappy tv reception, no clock, and tool sales literature to read. After a couple of hours spent walking with geriatrics (you can read about it here) I was told that my tires would not come off. Thinking that the tire guys were nuts, I took my truck and new tires home and started trying to get a local mechanic to deal with this. So that I can get my inspection sticker so that I don’t get a ticket for not having one.

Tell me that all the state agencies don’t get a swig at this trough.

I have a garage up the street from me. Called them and arranged a day and time. Went to the garage at the appointed day and time, and found out that they were closed. Called them later that afternoon to find out the next time I could come in, and all I got was “sorry, something came up”.

I did finally get my tires on, so today I went back to the garage that told me that I needed tires so that they could complete my inspection. And the reason I didn’t have the original garage do the tires is that they don’t do tires.

I can understand that.

Tires seem to be a real pain in the heinie for everyone in Pennsylvania. Especially those of us who need new tires, and have to look for some poor fool that will actually put them on the vehicle.

All of this in the spirit of keeping the residents of Pennsylvania safe from one another. Because given our druthers, we all would drive around in rusted out heaps that would endanger not only the surrounding populace, but ourselves.

Because that is the way we roll.

Namaste.

Seeing the future as it barrels towards us

Published April 6th, 2008 in Retail, television | 2 Comments »

So there I am the other night, sitting on the love seat as the MLW and The Princess were in full repose on the couch. We were watching the Disney Channel, as usual. I should say that The Princess and I were watching the show, MLW was playing Mah Jong online.

Disney is an interesting channel to watch. Everything is produced to promote Disney, and nothing but Disney. There is a segment called” Getcha head in the game.” I heard the announcer say that phrase, looked at The Princess and simply asked, “Where did that phrase come from, it sounds familiar.”

“High School Musical”, came my reply.

“Interesting”, says I.

To which The Princess asks, “Why?”, as she looks at me warily.

“Because,” I say, “There must be another High School Musical coming out soon. They are already marketing it to us.”

Thats all I said. And The Princess goes crazy on me.

“Don’t. I hate it when you do that.”

“Do what?”, I ask innocently.

“I hate it when you make those broad statements like you know what the heck is going on just because you work in retail.”

“Me?”

“You. Now just stop.”

So, just to set the record straight. Check this out.

Give them little nibbles at the cheese, and then when they take the big bite, reel ‘em in.

Namaste.

Retail Do’s and Don’ts

Published February 20th, 2008 in Insanity, Retail, work | No Comments »

We have discussed Retail Etiquette numerous times. We have talked about some basic things that just should not be done, and we have talked about some things that should be done.

But it seems that there are still some items that have escaped notice. For instance:

Please do not call me asking if I have any openings for your son/daughter. When I have a Mom, and it is always a Mom, call me looking for a job for their child in the back of my mind there is this shrill alarm that goes off. Because something, somewhere, is telling me that your little darling isn’t all that interested in getting a job. You are interested in them getting a job. That doesn’t help me. Or your kid.

There is nothing wrong with getting off of your butt, going to the local store and asking the Manager how to apply. It is really that simple. And if your kid can’t do that, how are they going to be able to do all of the customer service related things that I need them to do? Think about it. And if I don’t have any jobs, or if their school schedule doesn’t work out with what I have to offer, then let them go to the next store and try again. It isn’t as if I have labeled them unemployable. I just don’t have a job for them. They will live with that rejection. It will be good for them.

Because when you Mom’s try to get your kids a job, then you want to dictate their schedule. And I don’t play that way. So, let your little darlings learn to ask for themselves. It will make the world a much nicer place.

Namaste.

Retail Etiquette

Published February 17th, 2008 in Insanity, Retail, work | 5 Comments »

Part of a continuing series where I try to teach you, dear readers, to not be ignorant slobs to those of us who work in retail.

So where can we go today in our Retail Etiquette instructions?

I know.  Weekend insensitivity.  That is a good place to begin.

People who work in retail work weekends.  Why?  BECAUSE WE HAVE TO YOU IDIOT!!!  Someone has to be at the stores to sell you the crap that you HAVE TO HAVE RIGHT NOW so that you can go home and feel good about what you bought that you didn’t really need.  So, when we are working and you are trying to assuage your ego by spending money, don’t make semi-sarcastic comments to us about having to work on the weekends.  It isn’t funny.  We would like some time off with our families also.  But the bank likes to know that we will have the mortgage payment coming in on a regular basis.

Which brings us to the next part.  We work in retail for a lot of different reasons.  Some of us are using it as a bridge, some and just there for some cash, some to support themselves through school, and some of us have made it our career.  It is a service profession, not slavery.  A store of any kind, is one of many.  You can choose to go buy the things you want anywhere you want.  But when you get to that special store, you are going to have to deal with one of us.  Retail People.  Don’t be an idiot to us.  We want you to get the things you want, and go home.  We are not trying to screw you.

Even though we work in the same store day after day, we don’t touch every single item in the store.  Yes, sad but true, we do not know where every single thing is in the store.  You don’t know where everything is in your house, don’t expect me to know where every widget is.  Be real.  I could go on and on about this, but what is the use.  You are going to come into my store, or the store of one of my fellows, and want some porcelain covered widget in just the perfect shade of puce and freak out when we can’t find it.  doofus.

Ok.  That is it for now.  More will happen as you make me crazy.

Namaste.