The things in my head go 'round and 'round

There is no doubt about it, kids will change your life. And from the moment they enter this world until the day they move out on their own, you and your kids are engaged in a dance of hold them close, and let them go. It is maddening.

All of us parents know the drill. A child is born and needs. Everything. They need to be fed, cleaned up, kept comfortable. They can’t tell us when they are hungry, tired, hurt, happy, nothing. All they can do is coo, and cry. More of the latter than the former. They have to be carried for the first up to 18 months of their lives. And then they hit the ground running.

Talking and walking/running seems to come hand in hand with kids. And this is when things really start to get weird. Once our kids are ambulatory, they are pulling away from us. Testing their boundaries. And we, as the dutiful parents, let them have their freedom. Up to a point. We allow them to get a few bumps and bruises, and try to keep them safe from the rest. I said try, because our kids are still pulling away as we are trying to keep them close.

That is the weird dance I have been talking about. Pulling away, and pulling back. Running as fast as they can, falling, and wanting us to comfort them, then off they go once again. Until they fall, or get scraped, or some such and need us again. Throwing themselves into our arms, and then wriggling free. But admit it, don’t you just love it when they are wanting to get hugged? The smell of your childs hair is intoxicating.

Kids don’t stay kids forever. They have this nasty tendency to grow up. And growing up means that the boundaries are being re-established almost daily. At least that is the way it is for our last child. The Princess is 14 going on 25. Wanting to be involved with everything and anything that doesn’t involve sitting at home with Mom, and Dad. I am her mobile ATM. We are a blended family. I have 3 children that I brought with me into my marriage, and MLW had just had The Princess the year prior to us meeting. My kids are much older than The Princess. I have gone through the teenage pulling away process with all of them. I am not looking forward to it from the last one. Because as our kids hit their mid-teenage years they pull away sharply. They no longer need us to traipse them around. They can drive themselves. They have friends who can drive them around. Parents are in the way. Only needed when the funds are running low. The house is a lot quieter now.

But this article is about letting go of your kids. If we did our job as Parents correctly, we know that at some point we have to let go. They should be confident enough to go out into the word and make their mark upon it. Because that is what we were supposed to do. We were supposed to raise our kids to be confident in their abilities, and to always know that we will always be there for them. That doesn’t make it any easier. A quick hug, and a kiss will never replace the times when they would burrow into your chest. The times when crawling up on your lap would make everything better. I miss those times with my kids, though with the size of a couple of them it would be very uncomfortable for them to try to do it now.

So. Hug them hard every chance you get. When they are young help them up everytime they fall, but don’t ever let them quit trying. And when the time comes, let them go. Because that is what we are supposed to do. 

And that part sucks.

At some point the question always comes up.

Why do you blog? Why do you put yourself out there for everyone to see and to comment on?

First off, not everyone sees it. Usually when you start writing the crap that goes on in your head, only the people you tell about it actually read it. Unless you are incredibly lucky to have stumbled on a SEO keyword that brings folks in. But that isn’t the usual.

Secondly, it is fun. It is interesting, and can be cathartic. As long as you obey the first rule of blogging.

Rule #1. Don’t blog about work. Period. Don’t allude to it, don’t try to change the name of your company, or your co-workers, just don’t do it. Someone will find it out and you will have to face the music. And it can cost you your job. Yes, it can.

So, again, why? MLW asked this question on her Facebook page, and I answered it as succinctly as I could. MLW is a very private person, with a great amount of class. I am not. I am an attention whore. Have been from the get go, and don’t see it changing much in the near future.

This has caused MLW to shake her head in amazement in the past. Hopefully it hasn’t caused her too much embarrassment. I am the one who walked on stage at a jazz band concert, without prior permission or approval and started playing songs that I had written on guitar. Just did it. Freaked my parents out. Made my middle brother laugh. He didn’t think that I had it in me.

Surprise.

I am the one, at the tender age of 16 while at band camp, took some liberties with some music, added some lyrics that talked about the camp and the totalitarian policies there (remember I was 16), and played the finished song at the camps talent show. Again without approval. I had gotten approval to play another song, but pulled the first one out of my back pocket when I was on stage. To a standing ovation, mind you.

So, I write here because I do like writing. I like crafting stories, and getting feed back from them. But I also do it to show who I am to everyone who will read this. I am the third son of three sons. A Gemini. I have this need to talk about myself, and about the thoughts in my head. And it can be irritating.

I am ok with that.

And I write to help me understand me. I would hate to make some broad generalization here about people and their personal quests for understanding, but I do believe that we all are looking for who we really are. Are we the sum total of who we married, where we live, where we work, where we spend our time? Or are we something more? I am a believer in the something more part. I am a Father, but I am more than that, I am also a Husband, but there is more to me than just that. I am a mid-level executive, hell a can jockey, but I am a whole lot more than that. I am a son, and a brother and more than that. I am something that I haven’t put my finger on yet. And I keep learning more each and every day. Putting those thoughts down on this electronic piece of paper helps me sort it out. Mostly by helping me see that there is always something more to me than just what is going on right now. Because with the typing of those words, “right now” is gone.

See how I am going all esoteric on you now?

I find it amusing that of my 4 kids, the youngest doesn’t read this any longer. It is of no more interest to her. The youngest son reads it occasionally, though his ex-girlfriend checks in pretty much every week. Hi Dani. The eldest son, I don’t think that he even reads this, but in talking to him on the phone the other night, he gets it. And that made my night. He gets blogging, understands the mechanics of it, and was encouraging me to continue. I was floored, and elated all at the same time. That eldest daughter is so busy between work and college that I am surprised that she can even breathe. But she reads every now and then.

So that, in a nutshell is why we blog. And specifically, why I blog.

Any questions? Please leave any comments below.

Namaste.

The things in my head are clamoring about all of the graduations that are going on this week, and next. Thousands of kids getting their diplomas, and jumping out into the real world.

Right.

First they have to go to the Bahamas, Mexico, the ocean. Get drunk, dance like maniacs, and hopefully not land in a foreign country. THEN, and only then will they have to get their shaggy butts out of bed at a reasonable time and GET TO WORK ON TIME.

MLW and I don’t have any kids that are graduating this year. But the youngest son has a girlfriend (imagine that!) who will be graduating in a couple of weeks.

Congratulations BallerinaGirl!!

We have had the pleasure of meeting said-girlfriend, and she is a doll. But she needs to get a tighter leash on that son of mine. Especially this fall when they both start college.

Namaste.