The things in my head go 'round and 'round

April 12th is Easter. For those of us in Retail is equates to a Second Christmas.

Yeah. A Second Christmas. Why? I have no clue, other than we want to sell you a whole bunch of things for your kids so that you can feel superior to your friends. Who also want to buy a bunch of things for their kids so that they can feel superior to you.

And it is all couched around Jesus of Nazareth raising from the dead after being crucified by the Romans.

Are you getting a fuzzy feeling here?

Anyway, with the madness that is going to be ensuing in the next couple of days I thought that it would be appropriate to go over some rules of the road. Retail etiquette as it were.

We have discussed this same subject in the past. As a matter of fact one of the folks who commented talked about Easter. But is seems that some of you have forgotten what we have discussed.

Such as:

When entering a store, keep walking. Do not stop right inside the door to organize your coupons, dig through your purse for something, start looking through the circular. Keep walking. It is an entry way, and others would like to enter.

Passing gas is a part of life. We all do it, no big deal. Until you rip one when I am right beside you stocking the shelves. That is just not cool.

There have been numerous discussions about not clogging up the aisles. Keep moving. The middle of the aisle is not the place to have a chat with your friends. Find someplace else to do that. There are other people who need to get through. Get out of their way.

I am sorry that prices are what they are, and I apologize that you have lost money from your retirement. It isn’t my fault. I didn’t do it. So don’t unload on me about it. I have to pay the same prices you do. Learn to economize. I have had to, so maybe you should also.

Waiting for the last minute to shop is so last year. The holidays come every freaking year. You can plan for them. There are numerous ways you can keep track of when they are coming up. If you are reading this, you obviously have a computer. Use the calendar that is on it. There are many calendar applications on the web that are free to use. Use one of them. It isn’t funny to be scurrying around just before the store closes. We want to go home too.

If you have not trained your husband/boyfriend/baby-daddy how to shop don’t send them to my store. Send them somewhere else. I don’t have the time, or the patience to deal with them. And cell phones don’t help, because they will be looking at what they think you want, I will walk up and inevitably will be handed the phone so that I can give them what you really want. I am not your personal shopper unless you want to pay me $30 an hour, with a 2 hour minimum up front.

Ok.

So there are a few things that you can work on over the next couple of days that will get you up to speed with the current Retail Etiquette. Any questions?

Keep them to yourself.

Is it wrong for me to use the Jo Bros as a title knowing that it will rank higher in Google searches?

Knowing that some tweener in the middle of the night is going to be searching for some sniglet of information that she doesn’t already know about her one true love, and end up here? Is that wrong?

Somehow the parent in me wants to know what the heck that tweener is doing up in the middle of the night doing searches, instead of being in bed like they should be.

Moving on.

Only a scant few hours lie between me and 13 tweeners who will be coming to my house to help The Princess ransack and destroy said house. Yes, you read that correctly. 13 girls. All between the ages of 12, and 13. In my house. Overnight. And I have to work the next morning. Go to a meeting, actually, but it is a meeting that I can’t nod off in. Bummer.

The tweeners descend upon our house at 6pm Wednesday evening. We will do the obligatory present opening thing to get it out of the way first, and then we will be piling into vehicles to ferry said tweeners to The Sports Emporium.

Ominous background music inserted here.

At the Emporium of Sports we will be playing a raucous, and blood-thirsty game of laser tag. I get to play. Because I whined about it. After that, we come home. Eat cake, ice cream, and fire up the computers in the house so that dancing and merriment can commence.

I will be retreating to my back yard with a beer, ok lots of beer, a cigar, and The Roxinator. She doesn’t do well with large groups of people. She can’t focus on everything that is going on and it makes her fretful. Wimpy hound.

During all of this I just know that Google will be getting billions of hits off of my 2 computers for The Jonas Brothers. The Princess is going to their concert on Friday, while a couple of her friends saw them last week in Hershey. We were on vacation at the time, so she was unable to attend that particular show.

Much wailing, and gnashing of teeth inserted here.

So, you are now up to date on the goings on in my life. Other than the return to the soul sucking waste of time called my job that I had to return to yesterday.

But I don’t talk about work here.

Namaste.

Brett Michaels, whose last name Sychak comes from Mechanicsburg, Pa. MLW’s first husband used to hang out with him when they were young. MLW’s first MIL used to chase Brett out of her house on a regular basis.

Small world, eh?

But the poison I want to talk about comes from a plant. Poison Ivy. I hate this crap. We seem to have an abundance of it in our yard, as every year I come down with a hefty dose.

This year I have it on my right arm, the back of my right leg, and on my upper lip. A lot better than the year that I managed to get it on my crotchular area. That wasn’t fun explaining to my woman Dr. how I managed to do that. When the best answer that I could come up with was I didn’t wash my hands BEFORE I went to the bathroom. Highly uncomfortable.

Anyway……it itches, I try not to itch it, and then find myself itching it without thinking about it. I should have stock in the companies that make hydrocortisone.

What’s on your mind today?

Namaste.

The Things in My Head hate morning TV. I am really sick of Crossing Jordan about now.

Depression is not the laugh a minute state that I thought it was.

Though the manic parts of it are pretty interesting.

And I am really hating the fact that I woke up an hour earlier than I needed to because I forgot to change the alarm before I went to bed last night.

I am not happy.

Namaste.

Suck big time.

My nose is raw from wiping. My throat hurts, I am sneezing like a demon. And this isn’t allergies.

Crap.