I have been driving up and down the American highway system since 2016. I have become very familiar with I-10, I-75 and I-95, not to mention I-20 out west, and I-17 in Arizona. Other than try to not to be run off the road by the drivers who see the highway as their personal autobahn, all I have to keep myself occupied is to listen to music and think. Traveling to Arizona from South Carolina all I did was think about how I keep getting myself into relationships that blow up after a short period of time.
I decided that when I got to Arizona I needed to take a break from relationships and try to figure myself out.
First things first, though. I needed to fund my travels so I got a job with a delivery service. This gave me more time to be behind the windshield and think. And I started thinking about traveling again. Serious travel. I knew that I was not going to be staying in motels as that would be too expensive, so I started looking at camping out of my car. I started by making lists of what I would need to pack. And where better to really figure what the best, lightest, etc items you will absolutely need to camp out of your car? YouTube.
I love YouTube so much, that I have my own channel. https://www.youtube.com/@PoundingSandProductions
In the time between 2020 and 2021 I made two trips to Michigan to visit my Mom, my kids, my grandson, and friends. Both of those visits had very different effects on me.
I wrote the following post in March of 2020 after my first trip to Michigan.
It All Is A Bit Much…..
Usually said when someone is over glossing a story.
Laying it on a bit thick.
My trip to Michigan was a bit much for me.
I visited my Mom. I visited my grandson. I visited with friends.
I didn’t visit with my brothers. I am a raging hypocrite when it comes to family.
I use the words that mean I want a closer relationship with family, but I don’t follow through with the actions. Few phone calls, very few cards.
The incongruent part is that I say I have nothing to add to a conversation. And yet here I am voiding my spleen with an amazing amount of words.
Which means what?
I haven’t a clue. Other than trips home leave with me a overall feeling of loss. Not sure of what. Sure as hell isn’t innocence. Lost chances? Lost opportunities?
We tell our children that each new day presents us with new chances. New opportunities.
Wondering when making the same mistakes will lose its cachet. Negative reinforcement can be more attractive than positive after a period of time.
Thank god for Skinnerian psychology…….
Shortly after returning to Arizona after that trip, a dear friend died from ALS. Not much longer after that, my mother was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. The last conversation I had with my mother that fall was Thanksgiving. And I don’t even know if she knew who she was talking with.
A bright spot in 2020, was the purchase of what was key to fueling the next part of my journey.
The Blue Magoo.
This is part of an on going story. The previous chapters can be found with the following links.
https://iamphildodd.com/2023/09/23/the-hook/