I am looking for a reason.

Not just any reason. I am looking for a compelling reason.

I have lived my life in a constant state of ‘what is the worst that could happen?’ And ‘why not?’ Loosely translated as, ‘what the fuck…give it a shot.’

At times that shotgun attitude worked. Most times….not really.

This time I want a compelling reason. And it can’t come from me. It has to come from another human.

Because I have come to doubt my ability to think reasonably in areas. And that has become tiring, and not really attractive any longer…if it ever really was.

While all of my friends are thinking of ways how to change/improve themselves in the coming year. Thinking of ways to improve their relationships with family and friends.

I will be looking for a compelling reason.

That one that will convince me.

Of course the other part of the coin is the doubt that it will be soon be appearing.

Or at all.